RememberingRob10
You know, the Lord has told us to visit the Fatherless &
the Widows in their affliction.
I want to thank all of you who have 'visited' me in my 'afflictions',
with so many calls, emails, cards & angels in the mail. You have
gone above & beyond the call of duty & I pray that God will so
richly bless you for the minutes & hours that you
have made my life a little more bearable.
May Angels grace your lives daily as you
continue on your walk to help me, & others just like me.
God loves you for that...so do I. Words are never enough to express my
deep feelings of gratitude & love going out to each person, who has
reached out & touched my heart, & helped me through the saddest
& loneliest hours of my life. I feel all your prayers that seem to
lift me a little higher some days.
I will finish this page for Rob with things unique to him, us, &
likely you too. Give it a few minutes for graphics to load. I have a nice
picture of Rob that I will try to do in a month or two & put here
& perhaps one of myself if I can find the courage to go get one done.
As Rob has gone to be with Jesus, I remember you all & the ways you
have helped me. You have a piece of my heart forever.
Love always, Patsy
~HE Only Takes The Best~
God saw he was getting tired
and a cure was not to be.
So He put His arms around him
and whispered, "Come with Me".
With tear ~filled eyes we watched him
suffer and fade away.
Although we loved him deeply,
we could not make him stay.
A Golden Heart
stopped beating
hard working hands put to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the Best.
~Robin Derksema
02-16-50 ~ 12-30-03
Welcome Home Rob...
Whispers From Heaven
I long to see my loved ones who have already gone
Whispers from heaven help me carry on
They are doing fine whispers from heaven to let me know
And I must carry on with life before its my time to go
I hear soft whispers just keep on the path
In Gods own time we'll all meet again
Have courage and strength, continue on
For there are others who need you, for them be strong
Whispers from heaven won't let me forget
Heaven is waiting beyond the sunset
When you feel you can't go on, to the memories hold
And we'll be together again through whispers I am told
Till that day give all the love you can
Laugh in the good times and grow in the bad
Plan for tommorow and make the best of today
We'll be together forever, in heaven someday
To those who are in need, dont forget to give
Love to the fullest as you continue to live
Look for the good things they're not hard to find
And happiness will find you in a matter of time
And if you ever doubt just rely on your faith
Whispers from heaven won't lead you astray
There is a place that awaits me, but till I'm ready to go
Whispers form heaven give me strength to go on!
A note from Kay will go here...
><((((º>.·´¯
Rob & I can easily be 'seen' in this next picture.
We were like these 2 little babies, who apart were weak sometimes,
but together, we were healing for each other. We laughed & cried
& loved to the max!
If you know a weak, or hurting someone...please give them a
(((hug))).
It makes all the difference in the world. See?
><((((º>.·´¯
Hehe, a little sample of the kind of
humour that went on with Kay & me & Rob...
Spider story...
This MOM"S HINT, Taken from my mom's (Pakadevas) newsletter,
this begins our morning Spider conversation:
Oh BTW, Mom made me do this LOL.
MOM'S HINT #097: Don't teach the kids your fear of bugs.
Kay: Haaaaaa....... ya done good there momma......
Ahemmm me too for that matter...Guess thats why I was
up at 6:30 am this morning killing a spider in the bathroom so Nikita
could pee. LOL
Mom ( Pakadeva) :LOL !!!!!!!!!!! I knew darn well you
would pick up on that one Kay, LOL Of course I DIDN'T pass it on
to you !!!
LOL The boys didn't really catch on, they would rescue me &
think nothing of it!!!
But, you, welllllllllllllllllll LOL
Kay: I had to chase the darn spider too...he saw me
coming....started at corner of the sink on the floor....ran his
butt off
behind bum wipes till he disappeared .
Then I exposed him again, ahhhhhhhhh come here.....ran
his 8 GREAT BIG legs off behind garbage can......
MMMmmmm I'll get ya yet..you....you....spider....
Off behind the Toilet he went...out of reach.. I didnt
feel like washing my hair in the toilet to get him as I leaned over
so......I threw and old TP roll at it to make it run out the other
side.....Dear God.....Got em......but he still tried to crawl away
on 2 legs
I didnt break in the feat to stop him.....My O MY , 6:30 in the
morning..
Mom: (Pakadeva) Post that in your newsletter, It's A good
laugh...tell them Mom made me do it !!!!!!!! LOL !!!!!!!!
Kay: Hey dad want a good laugh (as I post him our converstaion)
Dad: poor little spidy
Kay: Poor little spidy my Foot
Dad: those things help us
Dad: give Nikita a big kiss
Dad: tell her her granda Rob will get rid of those spiders
Kay: Granda Rob needs some lessons about spiders.....
No matter mom will take care of that!!!
Kay: Teach this man mom.
6:30 Am theres only one way to get rid of
them.....*SPLAT*
Dad: you must love them, girly. just love them. look
at the amount of stinging insects if there wouldn't exist spiders
Kay: Ive managed to mildly like them as long as they
are not on my territory or in my face......
Mom: (Pakadeva) He said he would save me & the spiders by putting
the spiders
outside for me !!!!!!!! He will Learn!!!!!!
Kay: Dad, Garfield the cat cartoon...do you ever see this
?
Dad: yes, I do
Kay: He and I are blood relatives....We love lasagna,
Hate spiders..and love to nap.....OH and detest alarm clocks....
and I occationally attack the mailman ...hehee
Dad: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahah
the idea alone............
Kay : well needless to say people, all 3 of us in this
ICQ conversation this morning almost had to change our pants
laughing so incredibly hard.
I just had to share this with you.....LOL I hope you
see the humor here.
*SPLAT*
*Still laughing*
Kay
><((((º>.·´¯
Patsy & Rob & all our guests at the Haddock
Yacht Club, Almere in the Netherlands.
Just like the fun celebration we had here at our wedding, there is
certainly a celebration going on in
Heaven for Rob right now. I almost choked laughing at him here, likely
trying to steal all those
yummy Dutch Chocolates for himself & as you can see, he sure
had everyone's attention there as well.
He was good at that, in any circumstance. I'm quite sure Heaven is
laughing with him now:)
We all love you still Rob!!!!
><((((º>.·´¯
Patsy love,
Only the pleasure of hearing ones voice, that
familiar sound, that lovely sound....!!!!
To hear you laugh, and I know the sound
now a bit, still gives me images of a little river,
very clear, with tiny springs, tiny falls, quick pieces, pearly laughs.
I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rob
><((((º>.·´¯
I am far from a poet, love. But there are
so many melodies, so many poems in my heart, and they are all about you.
I don't call it a poem. Let's say: I wanted to put my thoughts in
writing, in a different way!
Patsy
I waited, for your sweet voice
fading into the night
and thought of you, of the conversations we had,
the chats,
listened again, to the echo of your voice, sweet as honey, lovable
as life itself, fading in the night and in my mind.
I caught sleep again, in a few minutes
earlier I would have been awake for hours if someone called me, at
that time, but your voice
for me with the sound of an angel
gave me rest, in the lap of safety, in the arms of love.
I am not a poet, not a literate
I make mistakes by the dozens
but let there be no mistake about this, lovely woman that
your warmth, your presence, your being, your love
brought back the sense of life to me.
Rob Derksema
><((((º>.·´¯
I thought about something before I fell
asleep this early morning, after our wonderfull conversation. I thought:
"Lord, you have achieved wonderfull things, done things beyond my
imagination, but by creating this woman, Patsy Rideout, you outdid yourself.
Thank you for her."
I before I really fell asleep, I thought I heard the Lord laugh!
He knows I love you!
><((((º>.·´¯
Rob was always making up new words & using
them for fun...here's a couple:)
somaniest
wonderlovelicious
darlingest
OK, he would say things like...
I want to tell you for the "somaniest" time,
how much I love you!
You are such a "wonderlovelicious"!
Patsy, you are the "darlingest" person
I ever knew!
To be honest: I think you are the sweetest and
most beautiful woman of the whole world
Om eerlijk te zijn: ik vind jou de liefste, en
mooiste vrouw van de hele wereld
My Newfoundland counterpart? Mijn Newfoundlandse
wederhelft?
><((((º>.·´¯
*For ANYONE grieving...this is from a Professional
Counsellor*
Hi Patsy;
I think of you so often, and wonder how you are doing. I have
really enjoyed reading your "Remembering Rob" pages. The man was a
true inspiration to all of us whether we are handicapped in a physical way
or not. His loving spirit shone like a beacon in the dark night.
When I read some of the things he wrote about you at the end of "Remembering
Rob 10", I wept at the sheer beauty of his words and the love and respect
for you that were so obvious. You have been truely blessed to have
known such a man and shared his life. Most of us never receive that
kind of love and friendship from our spouses. Cling to that knowledge
on the days when the grief is unbearable. Your grief is so deep precisely
because the love you shared ran so deep. To put it another way, the
depth of the pain of grief is in direct proportion to the ecstatic heights
of love.
How are you doing today, my e-friend? Is the grief getting any
easier to tolerate? Can you draw a breath without feeling pain and
hurt because you are without your other half? Do you catch yourself
laughing and then feel bad because for just an instant you forgot the
pain? I hope these things are starting to happen for you, as they
are an important part of the grief process. (If they are not happening
yet, don't worry, they will come with time). Whatever you feel at
any given moment, experience it fully, whether it is agony, sadness, the
warmth of friendship, an unexpected laugh at the antics of a child or kitten
or puppy, or even the small glow you might get at an appreciative glance
from a passing stranger. Don't get caught up in how you, (or other
well-meaning friends), think you "should" feel. It is important to
simply feel. My best friend just lost her father to a long illness.
Their relationship was strained to say the least. He had always been
a gruff, curt, grumpy old geezer. They had never been close.
But, when he passed, she called me and said that she didn't know how she
was "supposed to feel". (And she is a professional counselor like me!!).
I just told her to feel what she felt, even if she didn't really "feel" anything.
If your local hospital or social service agency or church offers grief and
loss support groups, you might consider joining one. That way you would
be around other people who have experienced exactly what you are experiencing.
You will all be at different stages in the healing process so you can help
each other learn to cope and stumble through these first horrible, lonely
weeks and months. They, (and the counselor), will help you wade through
the legal quagmire that surrounds death and estates. They will help
you prepare for holidays that you don't really feel like celebrating.
They will be able to help you to rejoin life and to start living again,
as opposed to just stumbling through your days in a haze of grief.
Most importantly, they will listen as you pour out your heartache and loneliness
for the 10 millionth time, for they really do understand how you feel.
The rest of us can only imagine. Please think about it. Rob
loved you and he loved to hear you laugh, so do the rest of your friends.
He will be listening for that laughter.
Some of the best, (and totally free!), therapy in the world is to simply
get outside and revel in God's creation. It is impossible to not
smile and feel appreciative as the flowers poke their little heads up out
of the winter ground and unfurl their vibrantly colored petals for our
enjoyment. Whose heart does not swell at the trilling of a cardinal's
song? And don't the robins look comical hopping around the yard with
their heads cocked, listening for worms? Sunshine is a natural anti-depressant.
It actually does help lift the spirits and increases the production of
the positive neuro-transmitters in our brains. So go outside, (if
the snow is gone, or even if it's not), turn your face up to the sun and
soak up God's warmth and His love for you. Listen for the cardinal's
song. This is something that is very special to me. It is my
own "I love YOU Kim N" straight from God. When I first found out that
my much adored husband was cheating on me, I was understandably devastated.
We had been married for 13 1/2 years. One day I was outside in the
back yard. I had my Bible with me and was seeking solace with the
Lord. I was not getting anywhere. (There was a cardinal in
the backyard with me, just kind of flitting around, but not making a single
sound). In desperation, I looked up to Heaven and cried out, "God,
if you exist, if You know that I exist, if You love me, please make the
cardinal sing. Please!!" Through my cries, I heard the faintest
"hoo-hoo-hoo-hee-hoo". I cried out again, "That wasn't singing -
make it SING! Let me KNOW you love me, that I matter to You, that
I'll be alright." And Patsy, what happened next still gives me goosebumps.
That cardinal burst forth with the most glorious song. He sang his
little heart out. I sat there crying, he was singing and singing.
He sang non-stop for almost an hour!!! For the next couple of months,
anytime I went outside of my house, there was a cardinal, singing at the
top of it's little lungs. We truely do serve an awesome God!
Even to this day, 14 years later, if I'm having a really bad day, if I pay
attention, or even if I don't, somewhere, I'll hear a cardinal singing -
a constant, gentle reminder that our Heavenly Father loves us even more
than our parents, our soul-mate or the "love of our life". Listen
and watch for your own sign from God. (Feel free to borrow mine until
you get one of your own. ).
Have you thought any more about seeking counseling? It can be
so beneficial in helping you to regain your footing. A counselor is
an objective listener who isn't caught up in his or her own grief over Rob's
passing. You have lots of friends, and therefore, lots of shoulders
to cry on. A counselor can also be a shoulder to cry on, but, at
some point, precisely because they are not your friend and grieving themselves,
they can gently confront you and ask things like, "now, how can we help
you learn to live with this? How can we help you start to live again?"
From what I understand, both from life experience and schooling, the feelings
of loss and grief never really go away, we just make peace with them,
we learn to incorporate them into the very fabric of our lives and get
on with living again. Once we can do that, the sadness and sense
of loss do seem to lessen and we learn to be happy again. Stop and
think, would Rob want you to spend the rest of your life desperately sad?
No. He would want you to be happy. He would certainly understand
that you miss him and always will. He would also understand that
you will be sad sometimes. But above all else, he would want you
to laugh again, to be as carefree and happy as you look in your wedding/reception
pictures, (maybe even to love again?). But all of that will come
in time. I'm not trying to make you feel as though I think you "should"
be at any stage. The love of your life has only been gone for a
little over 3 months, (even though it must seem like an eternity to you).
I'm just trying to point out things that probably will happen in the next
few years or so.
Tell me more, (if you're up to it), about how you and Rob met.
(I'm not being nosy, I am interested. Email seems to bring an easy
intimacy to even casual contacts. I feel like I have known you for
a long while, yet I really don't know much of anything about you.
If I am being presumptuous, please feel free to tell me so, you won't hurt
my feelings.)
Are you going to be with Kay and her family for Easter? Or will
you spend time over the holiday weekend with friends? One thing I
learned after my divorce was that I had to try to make my life as "normal"
as possible and that included celebrating holidays. For the first year
or so, I kind of drug my feet and muddled through. But now, I realize
how fortunate and blessed I was that my family and friends did not allow
me to stay away just because I was unhappy. So please don't sit home
alone and avoid holidays. Be with people who love you.
Well my friend, it's getting late and I've been at the office for almost
12 hours, so I will close for now. Stay in touch when you feel up
to it. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope
you have a blessed Easter season. Revel in the promise of the Resurrection
and the wonderful reunion you will experience someday when you reach the
"Pearly Gates" and see Rob, pain free, hopping up and down in gleeful anticipation
of being reunited with his wonderlicious wife. (Wasn't that one
of his made up words?)
Love and Prayers,
Kim P N
><((((º>.·´¯
GOODBYE OLD FRIEND........................ MY
HEART WILL ACHE FOR
NOW......... BUT I KNOW IT WON'T LAST FOREVER ALTHOUGH IT FEELS
RIGHT
NOW LIKE IT MIGHT. ............................................
I CRY
WHEN I THINK ABOUT YOU......... AND SOMETIMES I LAUGH THROUGH MY TEARS
............................................. WHEN I REMEMBER
SOMETHING
CRAZY YOU SAID................................. OR SOMETHING
FUNNY YOU
DID. ..... SOMEDAY THE TEARS WILL DISAPPEAR AND I'LL JUST
LAUGH. .....
I DON'T KNOW WHEN, BUT SOME DAY. SO RIGHT NOW I'LL JUST
SAY.............. GOOD-BYE OLD FRIEND....................... I WILL
ALWAYS MISS YOU, REMEMBER YOU AND WILL ESPECIALLY LOVE YOU.
.................................................... I WILL HEAR YOUR
LAUGHTER IN THE WIND, SEE YOUR SMILE IN THE CLOUDS, AND FEEL YOU IN
MY
HEART
FOREVER.......................BY MICHELA L. CORDOVA
THIS IS MY DAUGHTER SHE WROTE THIS SEVERAL YEARS AGO WHEN
ONE OF HER FRIENDS WAS KILLED IN AN AUTO ACCIDENT IT HAS
BEEN
PUBLISHED IN A POETRY BOOK. I THOUGHT THIS EXPRESSES HOW WE ALL FEEL
ABOUT ROB. ALL OUR LOVE ELAINE AND ARNIE AND KELLI {MICHELA}
><((((º>.·´¯
Patsy,
You are doing such a good job with Rob's newsletter.
It was so nice to
recieve that card from you and him in spirit. Thanks be to God
for both of
you. One here on earth the other in heaven!! I know that
Rob is watching
you and thinking that he would have done it the same as you did!!
Have a
very happy Easter!! I know that happiness comes in all shapes
this years
will be a little less happy than last but none the less we can be happy
that
because of this season Rob is able to be in heaven waiting for you and
me to
someday join him!! He can give us all cooking classes!! HEHEHE!!
We won't
need food then probably!!
Have a good day my friend and God bless you
and take some of your pain
away each day that passes until you feel happy inside once again.
May our
God send his love to heal your broken heart and send your love to Rob
in
heaven as I'm sure he sends his. till later
Love Mary
USA West Virginia
><((((º>.·´¯
As recorded in my newsletter...Rob's last 2
days here on earth:
Dec. 29/03
Hello everyone!
Well, well, we went to the Island on Saturday & when we tried to return
at 5:00...no ferry! It was called off on emergency when the ferry to another
Island broke down. It was a long wait, eating on the goodies people gave
us, but, also we saw something really exciting! A school of Porpoises! The
water was very calm, like a mirror, when the sun was going down, & suddenly
I noticed all this activity close to the dock. At first I thought it was
a whale, but, then it disappeared too quickly & just as quickly was replaced
by another & another & another. It was so neat! I was trying to
get Rob to see them before they took off. They stuck all together quite
faithfully & kept moving in the same directions all together. What a
beautiful sight! When they went away too far for us to see, we took a drive
across the Island for Rob to see all the beautiful Christmas lights, even
more beautiful when they were reflected in the water so calm. Our 2-hour
wait turned out to be quite spectacular. Another bonus was seeing all the
Christmas lights all the way back home:) Rob was very excited cause you just
don't see those many Christmas lights in Holland & this was his first
experience with it. He was like a little kid with the Porpoises AND the lights!
hehe
Hope you all are enjoying the sights & sounds of the season as well.
Hugs to you! Patsy*S* xoxoxo
Dec. 30/03
Hello everyone!
Thank you very much to Leanne C of Williams Lake Canada, for a beautiful
Christmas card in todays snailmail:)
Always some excitement when you live near the ocean I think...
Our friend Sharon stopped by with a very beautiful cushion she made for
our bed. It's Mauve with a frill around...the front has 2 little Peach Satin
Hearts & a Peach Satin Bow with our initials embroidered in the hearts.
Sweet! Hmmmmm, what's that got to do with the ocean you say? Well, Sharon's
living room overlooks the ocean & she let us know about a seal that
was down in the harbour on the ice...we took a walk & sure enough, we
got to see him too. He seemed to be having lots of fun, rolling over &
over on the thin ice. I call him 'he' because he's big & grey, with
a small amount of white on him. She said when her Mom was alive, she always
took notice that a seal came into the harbour every Christmas & she always
called him 'The Christmas Seal":)
Hugs to you! Patsy*S* xoxoxo
As you can tell...we always enjoyed being together. We always had something
fun we could do, no matter about little restrictions...just minor adjustments
to life is all that is required. Remember this when you are around people
who may be disabled, or not! according to Rob:) He was the most enabled
person I have ever known & is the epitome of:
"Give Ability A Chance"
Love to you...Patsy
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